you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
