people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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