On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
