just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
