my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
