Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
