I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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