ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Boobs speak an international language.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
