the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
