I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
