I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
