Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
