her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
