I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
