I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
