I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
