No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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