i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
