Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
