So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize