I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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