the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
