entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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