I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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