she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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