You're my little dorito
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
