dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
