He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
