Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
