You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
