I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
