Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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