I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
