Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
