she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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