Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
