Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
