I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
