he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
