Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
