Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
