the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
