Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
