He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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