But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize