Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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