the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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