It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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