she was so not down for the gang bang
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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