Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
