I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
