Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
