so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
