I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
