No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
being pregnant is like rehab
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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