Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
