my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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