You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
