On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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