yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
