The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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