State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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