I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
