life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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