Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
