I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
