i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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