Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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