weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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