hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
