I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
