Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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