I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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