FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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