Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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