he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
