I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
