ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
