i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
