People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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