you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
