after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
