At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
