i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
