hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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