I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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