you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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