So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
