so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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