I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
