the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
