Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
