R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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