are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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