I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
