if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
