why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's the barista slut.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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