i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i now understand why vodka
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
