I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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