Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just took my morning after pill in the library
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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