Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was born a porn star she said
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
